Here awake in the darkness,
covered in a cold sweat. 
My heart races,
from the fear I cannot forget.

My eyes search for you, 
I scream your name. 
I try to breathe, 
to stop myself from going insane.

Where are you? 
Where have you gone? 
Have I woken,
or has the nightmare just begun?

Why is it so black?
Why this recurring dream?
Why can’t I find an answer? 
Why is nothing as it seems?

I sleep, yet I am awake.
Please answer me, 
for my sanity’s sake.

I fall down a never-ending hole, 
the room spins; 
I lose control.

It is now morning. 
I jump in fright.
Your still not in my arms, 
Being held tight across my body.

I bury my head in my chest
and scream silently; 
you are still gone, 
and i lay here inside my keep.

Opening my eyes, 
I gaze deeply into the mirror. 
I feel this love, 
And i know you are still gone but,
But this feeling remains.

You will never hurt me, 
this much is true;
but my mind is restless, 
it makes me blue.

I must be positive 
and follow the light
to forget my past
and these sleepless nights.

I can no longer rely on my memory 
Images that I recall fail me 
Blurred and distorted in my mind 
Lost or mangled over time 

And of our pictures lost their glow 
All too limited in what they show 
Pictures cannot feel my finger’s touch 
Though I feel your face, I feel no rush 

I can remember all the things we’ve done 
The times we spent with everyone 
I remember your hair, your smile, and your eyes 
I remember your truths, I remember my lies 

I remember all of our time together 
I can’t count the times you said, “forever” 
But I can remember the love we knew 
And I can remember pain we went through 

All I know is here and now 
And all this hurt that I’m allowed 
You were taken too soon from me 
And I was left with this pain and discomfort

Hiding my emotions
Avoiding the truth
Pretending that I don’t like you
For if I let my mask down
Let my true emotions show
I’ll have to start rebuilding
For I see the way you look at him
The sparkle in your eyes
Knowing that you’re happy
Aches down inside
I wish it was me
That I could ever be enough
Silently hurting as your secret admirer.

You place high regards for those close to your heart.
These are those who tear it apart.
Shrouded in a world of pain.
Covered and drenched by the darkest rain.
Feeling the large lump swell in your throat.
Trying to hold on but I can barely cope,
With all the bad winds that has washed my way.
Making my life a little portable hell day to day.
Family does not listen and will take you under first.
Like a starving vampire friends have a jealous thirst.
Cursed to think that I have no one to turn to.
I have no one to call on.
I pick up my phone and get the same sad song.
The one and only person that I confide in.
The one person that i called a friend.
Kicked me in my face a pain I can not pretend.
I’m so tired of drama.
I’m so tired of life.
I’m so tired of only half way being someones life.
This is the unwinding of my mental screw.
Tired of people nit picking and playing childish games.
About to drive me into a black out insane.
This is my warning to all that can hear.
Pushing me to the limit should be your biggest fear.
before I let life and so called close friends and relatives RIP me apart,
I will kill my own self by removing my heart.
Emotionally unstable and stressed out to extremes.
Just say one more word and then you’ll hear my screams.
I’ve been nice to everyone that enters into my life.
But I’ve sharpened my seeing eye like a knife.
I can see through lies and deceit from a mile away.
I can hear the bullshit in you voice lumped up like brittle clay.
Please just step away.
I want release from all my troubles.
I am releasing them right now.

anger is anger

anger makes you scream

anger makes you hate

anger takes control

anger won’t let go

anger wants you to hurt

anger wants you to suffer

anger makes you mad

anger makes you cry

anger turns people against you

anger is anger

but when you find that person

that person who will calm you

who can bring you to your inner center

that person is worth more than anything else

don’t you ever lose that person no matter who it is

  How long is too long?
A minute more without you
will stretch to eons in my heart
I have not met you yet
but there you are, clear as crystal
shining on the inside of my eyes
as if I gazed upon you
all night long perhaps
you are a dream
but no, I hear your voice,
a smile tucked in
between the words,
the angle of your jaw
inviting kisses which creep
so gently to your lips
then press against your heart,
I feel the warmth
I smell the sweet aroma
of your skin, and still
I have not met you yet,
elastic time will torment me,
forever just a moment
when you’re with me
a moment is forever
while I wait.

gotta say i love my friends :) excited to go home and see them

I took a walk today…
not literally, but I took a stroll through my mind.
I needed to figure out some things,
and I was afraid of what I might find.

Most of my thoughts were just nonsense,
which most of the time makes the best sense.
Now was time for me to stop and think what’s really important to me.
Numerous thoughts gathered… most intense.

I wish I could sort things out when handed to me,
but that’s never the case.
I put the things that hurt out,
when really what I have to do is look them in the face.

I keep my true feelings inside
to be sure not to hurt someone.
When really what I should do is tell it like it is.
Distressed that I might say something that can’t be undone
is my reason to keep quiet.

Now I understand that is not the solution.
It only holds me back,
and adds to the confusion.

I suggest you take a walk today,
just to clear your mind.
It can’t hurt,
and you’ll be surprised at what you will find